Tenderly 7: Ask Not

It’s my emotions swerving, I’m drowning in this torrent
Make no mistake, it’s not the rejection that’s unnerving,
Why do I feel that my behavior towards you is abhorrent,
Undeserving of my sentiments that appear to be self serving?

These questions swirl around as my thoughts
They taunt me, the regret it haunts me endlessly
And I want to say that I love you lots and lots
But those are just thoughts of wanting you beside me

Only roused to my feet by a promising situation
When I think of you, I don’t wish to lift a finger
I go numb, the venomous stinger of infatuation
Pierces my heart as my love for you lingers

Even when I know, my heart will be left in tatters
Are you sure this is really how it has to be?
In my mind, this is the only question that matters,
If we can’t just be friendly, then will you love me?

How am I supposed to feel?
What am I expected to do?
How do I know if my love real?
It’s often too good to be true

Do you know what I want? I want you to stay,
I want you to say that it’s going to be okay
Hold my hand, so my hurting will go away
Why, oh why do I have to feel this way?
The more times that I curse it
The worse that it gets
The more I try to ignore it
The harder it is to forget
The more questions I ask
The more I’m going to regret.

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Tenderly 6: Pupa

It’s a curious thing to want to suffer a grueling grub’s fate
Just to feel the fluttering fancies of a fly fulfilling flight
No one stops to wonder if the chrysalis’s onerous wait
Is worth the risk of staying up well into the dead of night
Worrying about emerging out of my only refuge
My sanctuary, where I’m safe from my own deluge
Of tears, my thoughts are as confusing and unclear
My outward emotion towards you is just as insincere

It must be love then, for me to retreat
And let you go when you clearly should
The mistakes of my past, I will not repeat
But it’s not because of some greater good
I’ll do it because I think I should do my part
Any affection from you is all I could possibly take
Therefore, I will deny myself of expressing my heart’s
True emotions. Perhaps it really is for my own sake

Your true loved one, I will not witness
I want to let you have your happiness
In peace, save for my heart breaking
Oblivious to my love that’s forsaken
Though if you see my cheeriness
This concerted effort that I’m making, I’m faking
For I won’t show you the side of me that’s aching
there’s no mistaking, that I feel like I’m wasting away,
every waking moment that you’re taken

It seems so natural then, for the larva to be needy
To be cautious of its surroundings and latch on
And for the beautiful butterfly’s love to be fleeting
It must leave its chrysalis with reckless abandon
But for what purpose does my poor pupa serve
If you’re not the one I will attach myself to?
In the place of another is not a fate I deserve
How ever will I know if my love for you is true?

Tenderly 5: Perfect

I know that I’m not perfect
Perfect is not something that I can do
I knew that I could never reach it
When I finally turned twenty two

I’m not supposed to be perfect, I’ve realized
It’s like love is far away, never to be found
One day I’ll love like I’ve always fantasized
Life’s rotating door, spins round and round

Impossibly guilty is how I feel
So I always try my best to be good
How can I know my feelings are real?
I’ve never once understood

My goal is to make everyone smile
And hear their story if they had one to tell
But today I wanted you to feel worthwhile
But when I do it doesn’t always end well

Everything seems to disappoint me
And I feel it about me the most
I’ve always wondered how it would be
If I just *poof!* Turned into a ghost

There’s plenty I’d want to forget about
What about me would you remember?
Like the homeless man I decided not to help out
Or my hopelessly broken heart in November

I know that I’m not perfect
Perfect is not something that I could do
I knew that I could never reach it
Even when I think of you