Tenderly 2: Sleepy Days

I’m awake, it’s the last day!
I better get ready so I won’t be late
I can’t think of a better way
To spend the day with my friends and play
Just like how I wished it was everyday

Just woke up and it’s still morning!
Today’s the first day of spring…
Break? Sorry, I was busy thinking
Of all the fun I’m going to be having
Just like how I wished it was everyday

I slept in! Doesn’t that feel great?
No homework to do, no way to be late.
First thing today is the lunch that I ate
Until there was nothing left on my plate.
Just like how I wished it was everyday

Oh… do I have to get up so soon?
What? It’s already past noon?
But there’s still so much left I want to do
Still plenty of time in the day, that’s true
Just like how I wished it was everyday

“Today’s the day I stay in bed.”
As the fluffy pillow muffles the words I said
Dreams of sleepy days still in my head
I can’t think of what I would be doing instead
Just like how I wished it was everyday

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Tenderly 1: Your Seat

Tea, cake, laughs.
Everyday we spend in glee
That’s all it really takes
To decompress from math.

“See? Take a photograph!”
This is how much fun it can be,
When we’re here to play.
The memories we can make
In just a year and a half!

“Look, hey! Someone new!”
“Have you read this book?”
“Tell me about your day!”
“It sounds like lots of fun,
I’m sure you had much to do.”

Took away one or two…
Chairs, “I guess she’s off the hook,
I really shouldn’t be afraid…”
“I know tomorrow she’ll come
It’ll be just like before!”
“I hope so too!”

“Just wow, really? No kidding!”
“You have to tell me, you must!”
“Yes really, I’ll show you now!”

“No need to worry”
“Oh?”
“She’s visiting the city.”

Is there something I’m forgetting?
When I see all of us come and go
It just feels like such a pity
I can no longer see how
It used to be with just us.
“Oh wow, really? No kidding…”

And I wouldn’t have had a clue,
(It’s too hard to ignore),
That I would miss you a ton.
When you went on your way,
Something inside of me shook.
“How many more? One or two?”
“Hey, look! Someone new!”

In that year and a half,
It takes all that I have:
The memories we used to make,
The laughter, tea, and cake,
To remind me how fun it can be,
Whenever your seat was empty.

Unbespoken 3: What if we could talk for an eternity?

I struggle to smile, I should’ve known.
What was on my mind,
I find that it’s just so hard to pin it down,
Would I drown?
Whenever I try to conceal a frown?
But I guess it would be too hard to twist it now…

What if I just started over? I hesitated for a minute,
Starting out is hard, but it definitely pays to begin it.
Sometimes I pull away just to see if my heart was still in it.
I know it’s gonna hurt, but it’s not so bad to test my limits.
Feels like I lost but I knew if I tried hard that I could win it,
But that’s fantasy, right? No matter how I choose to spin it?
Wasted on the timid, the kinds word given,
I should’ve be listening, but showing your concern,
I can still see what you meant within it.

I think about how this conversation could go on forever, what if,
I could talk to you for days upon hours and hours until it
Ain’t bright outside, the sun sets over the horizon.
Getting lost in you, feels like it could be an eternity,
But when finally you turn to me,
It feels like all of the worst in me is gone for a moment.
It feels like time is slowing down,
So please accept my condolences
Your eyes are just so calming,
Wait, no, sorry was that alarming?
I just want want it to stop storming…

I’ve been like this longer than I knew what this feeling is.
But I was hoping you wouldn’t notice this;
I was hoping it wouldn’t be like this,
But when you ask what it is that I’m feeling,
Then I have to explain to you,
Because when I think about it…
I see that I’ve got no other choices.
Something inside of me hurts more than I care to admit,
It’s like if the world and everything else, to my senses,
Feels overwhelming, the light’s too bright,
Brighter than my eyes could ever bear and it’s
Hard to get up in the morning, all I can do is stare, I’d submit,
What’s the point of it all? It feels like my mind just wants to quit.

You’ll be shocked when you hear how much I wallow in my pity,
It’s the pits, remarks is pithy,
But let’s get down to the knitty gritty.
You’ll be more appalled though, it ain’t pretty
When you see how deep the pit goes.
Its darkness is even darker, blacker than any shadow
The darker it gets, the more my insides feel hollow.
I know it’s hard to try and follow,
It’s a tough pill for me to swallow,
But sometimes it’s the only way I can go to bed at night,
But oh, I’m just talking melatonin,
I think my loved ones wouldn’t condone it
If I was still popping sleep medication,
Maybe they’d fear I’d try and end it.
A lonely slumber forever, a somber somnolence,
I would never try, that’s no condolence.
It’s too soon to say goodbye,
But maybe it’s because I really am too scared die,
I just know it.

It feels like everything I do, there’s just not enough to gain.
Putting my burden on anyone else is just gonna cause more pain.
Just the thought of revealing that is like a blade right to my veins,
Bleeding until there’s nothing left, the guilt’ll make me go insane.
So that’s why I feign my true feelings, but it’s all in vain,
Because here I am now, but I knew that was your aim.
Sorry, I just I didn’t expect this, my feeling’s for you are the same.
But call me a little skeptical, are you as caring as you claim?
No, your actions aren’t what’s to blame,
I just want to take this chance to explain,
Existence is penance, a literal life sentence,
But for you I would be more than willing to make an exception,
I just want your presence.
Because all I could ever ask from you is just a bit of acceptance.

I think about how this conversation could go on forever, what if,
I could talk to you for days upon hours and hours until it
Ain’t bright outside, the sun sets over the horizon.
Getting lost in you, feels like it could be an eternity,
But when finally you turn to me,
It feels like all of the worst in me is gone for a moment.
It feels like time is slowing down,
So please accept my condolences
Your eyes are just so calming,
Wait, uh, did I come on too strong?

For once I want to feel like I’ve won,
Just to show you how far I’ve come,
Since you know where coming it’s from,
But it’s ridiculous to think that running away from everyone
Could help me escape all of my problems,
Now I know I’m not the only one to feel completely alone.

I think about how this conversation could go on forever, what if,
I could talk to you for days upon hours and hours until it
Ain’t bright outside, the sun sets over the horizon.
Getting lost in you, feels like it could be an eternity,
And that would be worth it to me…

Unbespoken 1: Where do I belong?

If I do nothing, then I’m gonna disappear right?
So there’s nothing else left for me to do for me but fight.
All of my own battles, each and every one
An eternal struggle to overcome my own pain.
It feels unbearable, but I gotta bear it.
Because I don’t believe in sunk costs,
And I wanna believe that I got someone that cares
When it hurts I know, but I gotta keep moving.
It’s just that… staring at the ceiling right now
Just seems so much more appealing.

When it hits hard, I gotta remember,
I have everyone I know on earth
To tie me down before I go to heaven.
I wanna leave my thoughts that I did everything I could
About how hard I fought for how much I believe in them.
They know me well, they showed me their kindness,
That’s all I ever wanted to have in this storm of loneliness.

I never wanted this, but…
My mind is in a mist of my own doubt,
So get me out, I’m crying for a savior
When I think I got only one way out,
But if you think I’m gonna spell the end of my misery
Then you can forget about the dictionary.
Because I don’t need it to define
What it means for me to feel alive
For when I try to explain all this pain,
All the words I know fail to describe
All the feelings that lie underneath all the goodbyes
And I feign that I’m alright even though the tears remain
I claim to be the same as I ever was.

The truth is… my mind was always this way,
But I ain’t afraid of my devil
I’m more afraid that I’ll lose control
When I finally lose my mettle.
I’m trying to fend against my fate,
And try to dispose of this toxic cycle,
So I’ll be fiddling against my demons,
Gambling my way to Eden,
And I wager my soul on this paper
That I’m gonna come on top with a whole new tome,
This introspective poem is going to explain
That I’m gonna be able to go back home
Because if I do nothing, then I’ll disappear right?
So, that’s all the more reason for me to try and find the light.
I don’t want anyone to miss me while I’m gone
So it won’t be long before I get back to where I belong.

Anaesthetic 9: By Far the Most Insulting

By far the most insulting thing, of course,
Is to abuse a friend in my presence.
And how can you in good conscience,
Say as such when it’s also a friend of yours?

You go to such lengths to make us miserable.
I’m appalled that you would even try,
When you could just as easily lie,
Without saying anything stupid at all!

How can you justify the damage you cause,
Adding layer after layer of insult without pause,
When the impact is so clearly visible,
And you try to pretend it’s not irremissible?

And what more will you bring down with your words?
The way they’re weaponized as merely a means to an end,
When you don’t even understand the meaning behind them.
And yet somehow, it’s an unintended consequence of yours.

The grimace of discomfort is not enough to let you know?
Or perhaps a more emphatic approach is necessary,
Even the most subtle insult would at most seem ordinary,
When you put little to no thought into the feelings you show.

Why do you say what you say?
For merely the sake of conversation?
Your words exit your mouth,
But not enough to exceed escape velocity.
The gravity of meaning causes them to come crashing down,
And yet you’re surprised by the size of the crater at the end of the collision…