Desperation is not something I wear on my sleeve.
What I want is to truly be loved, not lost.
And I, having given you my few choice years
the very few that I have to give to another person,
Perhaps made a grave error in trusting myself.
My desparation is not one borne of a need to find just anyone;
It’s the fear of making a mistake and I feel you were my greatest,
But I will not pretend, not even for a minute, that what we had
or rather, what we worked towards was anything free from flaw.
I hate to feel that way towards someone
whom I’ve grown to love so dearly.
When someone who knows I exist
tries to treat me like something that does not,
It sickens me. I’m hopeless for getting so close
And offering things I can’t possibly give.
It gets to a tipping point where I want to get closer,
But I will end up hurting both of us.
But it is not time to say such things.
You had to have earned this sentiment,
As I once had to in order to earn the privilege of doing so.
I wished to learn more about you and I reserve the right
To be careful of you as you have the right to be careful of me,
but it can’t hurt to at least be kind now, isn’t that so?
I still went through with it that despite that fact.
And I gave a piece of my heart for you to do with as you please,
And though that piece could bend and waver,
and my heart was kept from harms way.
My solemn hope was that you would make my heart whole again
But that piece has never returned,
It remained with you,
Never to be seen again.
What kind of life would I lead if I just wanted
to stay in such a safe distance away from it all.
where no one truly knows anything about me
no one can destroy me,
Where : no one can doubt me.
no one can prove
I never wanted to hurt anyone and I never wanted to, but-
I never would have dreamed I would ever get this close,
that I would ever get so close to wanting to destroy it all.