Tenderly 6: Pupa

It’s a curious thing to want to suffer a grueling grub’s fate
Just to feel the fluttering fancies of a fly fulfilling flight
No one stops to wonder if the chrysalis’s onerous wait
Is worth the risk of staying up well into the dead of night
Worrying about emerging out of my only refuge
My sanctuary, where I’m safe from my own deluge
Of tears, my thoughts are as confusing and unclear
My outward emotion towards you is just as insincere

It must be love then, for me to retreat
And let you go when you clearly should
The mistakes of my past, I will not repeat
But it’s not because of some greater good
I’ll do it because I think I should do my part
Any affection from you is all I could possibly take
Therefore, I will deny myself of expressing my heart’s
True emotions. Perhaps it really is for my own sake

Your true loved one, I will not witness
I want to let you have your happiness
In peace, save for my heart breaking
Oblivious to my love that’s forsaken
Though if you see my cheeriness
This concerted effort that I’m making, I’m faking
For I won’t show you the side of me that’s aching
there’s no mistaking, that I feel like I’m wasting away,
every waking moment that you’re taken

It seems so natural then, for the larva to be needy
To be cautious of its surroundings and latch on
And for the beautiful butterfly’s love to be fleeting
It must leave its chrysalis with reckless abandon
But for what purpose does my poor pupa serve
If you’re not the one I will attach myself to?
In the place of another is not a fate I deserve
How ever will I know if my love for you is true?

Tenderly 5: Perfect

I know that I’m not perfect
Perfect is not something that I can do
I knew that I could never reach it
When I finally turned twenty two

I’m not supposed to be perfect, I’ve realized
It’s like love is far away, never to be found
One day I’ll love like I’ve always fantasized
Life’s rotating door, spins round and round

Impossibly guilty is how I feel
So I always try my best to be good
How can I know my feelings are real?
I’ve never once understood

My goal is to make everyone smile
And hear their story if they had one to tell
But today I wanted you to feel worthwhile
But when I do it doesn’t always end well

Everything seems to disappoint me
And I feel it about me the most
I’ve always wondered how it would be
If I just *poof!* Turned into a ghost

There’s plenty I’d want to forget about
What about me would you remember?
Like the homeless man I decided not to help out
Or my hopelessly broken heart in November

I know that I’m not perfect
Perfect is not something that I could do
I knew that I could never reach it
Even when I think of you

Tenderly 4: Little Larva

When the larva hatches please let it live.
It is my Love to you, squishy and sensitive.
Just because it’s gross, with not much to give,
Doesn’t mean I can’t make the most of it.
It is frail and pale, so nurture and protect it;
It might not live long if you leave it undetected.
The larva’s last day approaches, the chrysalis,
A time when Love’s tender touch diminishes
Sensations of dullness render us vulnerable.
Love’s metamorphosis, a trial most crucial,
Can create something quite so beautiful.
I can only guarantee with each passing day
That my Love will survive, it is here to stay,
But as I suspected, you are as kind as can be.
You sheltered the lonely little larva in your tree
Safely above the threat that any Love would fear.
The thread my Love could bear for you my dear,
A silken tapestry for you and me to cherish,
Even if this lucky little larva were to perish.

Tenderly 3: {lo(meyou)ve}

my love told me,

    “you’re delicate as a daisy”

i’ll say so,

(me?)

i’m as pretty as can be!
i know so in my heart,
that with any amount of luck
there’ll be no need for me to

pluck

m y p e t a l s a p a r t
without your sunshine
i

might

wilt

away

so shine your rays; i’ll grow back, okay?

no thorns,for you.
oh honey,for you,i’ve fallen.
my love (for you)
tastes sweet as pollen
kisses soft as heather
weathers any weather
touchestendertogether

my love, truly i endeavor
to be your flower forever… and ever…

Tenderly 2: Sleepy Days

I’m awake, it’s the last day!
I better get ready so I won’t be late
I can’t think of a better way
To spend the day with my friends and play
Just like how I wished it was everyday

Just woke up and it’s still morning!
Today’s the first day of spring…
Break? Sorry, I was busy thinking
Of all the fun I’m going to be having
Just like how I wished it was everyday

I slept in! Doesn’t that feel great?
No homework to do, no way to be late.
First thing today is the lunch that I ate
Until there was nothing left on my plate.
Just like how I wished it was everyday

Oh… do I have to get up so soon?
What? It’s already past noon?
But there’s still so much left I want to do
Still plenty of time in the day, that’s true
Just like how I wished it was everyday

“Today’s the day I stay in bed.”
As the fluffy pillow muffles the words I said
Dreams of sleepy days still in my head
I can’t think of what I would be doing instead
Just like how I wished it was everyday

Tenderly 1: Your Seat

Tea, cake, laughs.
Everyday we spend in glee
That’s all it really takes
To decompress from math.

“See? Take a photograph!”
This is how much fun it can be,
When we’re here to play.
The memories we can make
In just a year and a half!

“Look, hey! Someone new!”
“Have you read this book?”
“Tell me about your day!”
“It sounds like lots of fun,
I’m sure you had much to do.”

Took away one or two…
Chairs, “I guess she’s off the hook,
I really shouldn’t be afraid…”
“I know tomorrow she’ll come
It’ll be just like before!”
“I hope so too!”

“Just wow, really? No kidding!”
“You have to tell me, you must!”
“Yes really, I’ll show you now!”

“No need to worry”
“Oh?”
“She’s visiting the city.”

Is there something I’m forgetting?
When I see all of us come and go
It just feels like such a pity
I can no longer see how
It used to be with just us.
“Oh wow, really? No kidding…”

And I wouldn’t have had a clue,
(It’s too hard to ignore),
That I would miss you a ton.
When you went on your way,
Something inside of me shook.
“How many more? One or two?”
“Hey, look! Someone new!”

In that year and a half,
It takes all that I have:
The memories we used to make,
The laughter, tea, and cake,
To remind me how fun it can be,
Whenever your seat was empty.

Unbespoken 3: What if we could talk for an eternity?

I struggle to smile, I should’ve known.
What was on my mind,
I find that it’s just so hard to pin it down,
Would I drown?
Whenever I try to conceal a frown?
But I guess it would be too hard to twist it now…

What if I just started over? I hesitated for a minute,
Starting out is hard, but it definitely pays to begin it.
Sometimes I pull away just to see if my heart was still in it.
I know it’s gonna hurt, but it’s not so bad to test my limits.
Feels like I lost but I knew if I tried hard that I could win it,
But that’s fantasy, right? No matter how I choose to spin it?
Wasted on the timid, the kinds word given,
I should’ve be listening, but showing your concern,
I can still see what you meant within it.

I think about how this conversation could go on forever, what if,
I could talk to you for days upon hours and hours until it
Ain’t bright outside, the sun sets over the horizon.
Getting lost in you, feels like it could be an eternity,
But when finally you turn to me,
It feels like all of the worst in me is gone for a moment.
It feels like time is slowing down,
So please accept my condolences
Your eyes are just so calming,
Wait, no, sorry was that alarming?
I just want want it to stop storming…

I’ve been like this longer than I knew what this feeling is.
But I was hoping you wouldn’t notice this;
I was hoping it wouldn’t be like this,
But when you ask what it is that I’m feeling,
Then I have to explain to you,
Because when I think about it…
I see that I’ve got no other choices.
Something inside of me hurts more than I care to admit,
It’s like if the world and everything else, to my senses,
Feels overwhelming, the light’s too bright,
Brighter than my eyes could ever bear and it’s
Hard to get up in the morning, all I can do is stare, I’d submit,
What’s the point of it all? It feels like my mind just wants to quit.

You’ll be shocked when you hear how much I wallow in my pity,
It’s the pits, remarks is pithy,
But let’s get down to the knitty gritty.
You’ll be more appalled though, it ain’t pretty
When you see how deep the pit goes.
Its darkness is even darker, blacker than any shadow
The darker it gets, the more my insides feel hollow.
I know it’s hard to try and follow,
It’s a tough pill for me to swallow,
But sometimes it’s the only way I can go to bed at night,
But oh, I’m just talking melatonin,
I think my loved ones wouldn’t condone it
If I was still popping sleep medication,
Maybe they’d fear I’d try and end it.
A lonely slumber forever, a somber somnolence,
I would never try, that’s no condolence.
It’s too soon to say goodbye,
But maybe it’s because I really am too scared die,
I just know it.

It feels like everything I do, there’s just not enough to gain.
Putting my burden on anyone else is just gonna cause more pain.
Just the thought of revealing that is like a blade right to my veins,
Bleeding until there’s nothing left, the guilt’ll make me go insane.
So that’s why I feign my true feelings, but it’s all in vain,
Because here I am now, but I knew that was your aim.
Sorry, I just I didn’t expect this, my feeling’s for you are the same.
But call me a little skeptical, are you as caring as you claim?
No, your actions aren’t what’s to blame,
I just want to take this chance to explain,
Existence is penance, a literal life sentence,
But for you I would be more than willing to make an exception,
I just want your presence.
Because all I could ever ask from you is just a bit of acceptance.

I think about how this conversation could go on forever, what if,
I could talk to you for days upon hours and hours until it
Ain’t bright outside, the sun sets over the horizon.
Getting lost in you, feels like it could be an eternity,
But when finally you turn to me,
It feels like all of the worst in me is gone for a moment.
It feels like time is slowing down,
So please accept my condolences
Your eyes are just so calming,
Wait, uh, did I come on too strong?

For once I want to feel like I’ve won,
Just to show you how far I’ve come,
Since you know where coming it’s from,
But it’s ridiculous to think that running away from everyone
Could help me escape all of my problems,
Now I know I’m not the only one to feel completely alone.

I think about how this conversation could go on forever, what if,
I could talk to you for days upon hours and hours until it
Ain’t bright outside, the sun sets over the horizon.
Getting lost in you, feels like it could be an eternity,
And that would be worth it to me…